Is Hollywood in need of scriptwriters? Can I quit my job and be a scriptwriter for Hollywood??
When one of the publicists for the movie, NOAH, contacted me last year, asking if I’d help promote this movie, I eagerly said YES! I thought the movie trailer looked AWESOME and the special effects looked utterly AMAZING!
BUT…I honestly thought I could’ve written a better script than the one I saw performed yesterday when I saw NOAH.
****SPOILER ALERT – I’m going to talk about the entire movie.
There was so much stuff in this movie that I hated that I don’t know where to begin! First off, only one of Noah’s sons had a wife. It was some girl they rescued in the barren, forsaken land. They found her amidst a bunch of dead people. She was wounded and and her injuries barred her from having children. So, fast forward about ten years and one of Noah’s sons has taken her as his mate. His other son (I believe it was Ham?) was jealous that his brother had a wife, his dad Noah has a wife…all of the animals are in twos…he’s like, Dad, what about me, where’s my mate? Noah’s response: the Creator’s given us all we need. So basically his son was supposed to be left without a mate??
The very least they could do was have the three sons to be married like in the Bible. Also, before the ark was built and when Noah receives his vision of the flood, he’s not sure what he’s supposed to do. He is going to visit his wise grandfather, Methuselah, when they find this barren girl (mentioned in the previous paragraph). The bad people come after Noah and his family. They run into the valley of the rock people. Yes, the rock people, people made out of rocks. The rock people throw Noah and his family, plus the barren girl into a pit to die.
A sympathetic rock person rescues Noah and his family and becomes their protector. The protector tells Noah that the rock people are fallen angels. These angels came down from heaven as beams of light, feeling sympathetic toward the plight of Adam and Eve. God didn’t appreciate their allegiance toward Adam’s and Eve’s plight, so, He changed them from beams of light into beams of mud – mud and rocks.
After finding his grandfather, Methuselah, and drinking some magical tea, Noah realizes he must build an ark! Meanwhile, the rock people want to seek forgiveness from the Creator. So, they decide to help Noah build the ark. So, while Noah and his family are building this ark, these rock creatures are helping them – it looks pretty ridiculous.
Then you have some guy named Tubal-Cain(sp?) who is the king of Cain’s descendents. This line of descendents are the bad people in the movie. Lots of evil lurking among these people. Ham finds himself sympathetic to Tubal Cain, since he feels that Noah has turned against him.
Tubal-Cain wants to get onto the ark once the flood waters come. He chops his way into the ark and is a stowaway. Yes, there’s a stowaway on the ark. Ham secretly gives Tubal-Cain nourishment since he’s still mad at Noah. Ham had met a girl among Tubal-Cain’s people, and he wanted to bring her onto the ark. While running amidst the rain to catch the ark before it left, her foot is caught in a trap. Ham tries to rescue her, but Noah refuses to help and the girl gets trampled to death.
Oh, the rock people. After the rain starts, the rock people help protect Noah and his family from the Tubal-Cain evil people who are trying to take over the ark. The rock people (the Watchers) are then granted forgiveness from the Creator and miraculously go back up into the sky as beams of light.
Meanwhile, after the rain has stopped, Noah now feels (or I believe the Creator has told him?) that all mankind must perish, including all of those on the ark.
The barren girl who Noah’s son has taken as a wife? Sometime before boarding the ark, Methuselah has healed her womb and she’s pregnant. Noah says since man is supposed to perish forever then, if she has a son, then he’ll be the last man to die on this earth – then mankind will be gone forever. If she births a girl, then Noah is supposed to kill her child, since a girl can give birth to babies. The girl (Noah’s son’s wife) tries to escape the ark, with her husband (Noah’s son). They build a raft (again, the rains have stopped by this time). Noah throws some fire onto their raft, burning it, preventing them from leaving so that he can kill the baby if she births a female. She gives birth to female twins. Noah is about to plunge a knife into one of the twins, but, he finds he can’t do it.
They finally land on solid earthly ground. Ham goes off by himself. I mean, he’s by himself since he has no mate, and he doesn’t want to stay with his family. I mean, come on, he has no mate. Maybe he should’ve stayed around and gotten together with one of the twins after they grew up??
Also, Noah blesses the twin grandchildren that he was about to kill awhile back. It appears he has snakeskin – I believe it was from the original snakeskin from the Garden of Eden? I might be wrong about that, though. He uses this snakeskin during his blessing ceremony.
A HUGE plot hole that I saw was – well, Noah wanted to kill his grandchildren because he thought all mankind was supposed to die. If he killed his grandchildren then, afterwards, maybe going into years later, each one of his family would die, his youngest son being the last one to die. Then, mankind would no longer exist??
Hello…Noah, what about your son, the one who’s married to the girl who just gave birth to twins??? Is it not possible for her to get pregnant, again, and have other children??? Would you continue killing each female birth??? I’d think that you have two sons who stayed behind, plus the previously barren mom, plus your wife. Can’t all of them overtake you, imprison you, prevent you from killing future kids from this human race???? Maybe something was referenced and explained about this, that I somehow missed it?? I was trying to remember so many things to reference in this blog post that it’s possible that I missed a few details.
Also, sending the bird out to see if there was land onto which they could dock their ark? Noah’s son sends this bird out instead of Noah. Noah’s wife is hoping the bird will come back with evidence of dry land so that her son and daughter-in-law can leave before she births her baby since Noah is determined to kill a female newborn infant.
Also, you don’t see the Lord speaking directly to Noah, like He does in the Bible. Noah receives these visions he must interpret. Something to do with a seed from the Garden of Eden.
Oh, another thing I hated, they would put the animals to sleep on the ark by waving around this smoky incense. It made the animals tired. Wonder why that smoke stuff doesn’t work on the humans? So dumb….
If you were going to write a script about Noah, how would you do it?
What would I have done?
I realize you’d have to use artistic license to write a Noah script since there’s only a few chapters in the Bible referencing this event. But, I would’ve filled in the blanks with things that could have happened instead of making up such off the wall stuff and changing the Biblical text. If you’re going to write a book (or script) based upon a Biblical event, at least put the correct facts in the Biblical text into the scripted event. Then, realistically, fill in the blanks.
1. I’d have all three of Noah’s sons to be married when the boarded the ark. In the movie, the youngest son is around ten or twelve?? Too young to be married and the middle son has no one – yes no one – which made this a terrible movie. I might even show the three sons falling in love in my version of this movie.
2. Instead of the stupid-looking rock people, I’d have the Nephilim in my script. The Nephilim (or giants) were part of the evilness in the world and are mentioned in the Bible so, it’d only be logical to make them a part of the story.
I’d show the sons of God lusting after the daughters of men and then show how the Nephilim were born.
3. I wouldn’t have anybody (outside of Noah’s family) helping Noah to build the ark. I highly doubt he had any help.
4. My conflict in my script? Well, the conflict would somehow be played out between the Sons of God, Daughters of Men, Nephilim, and all the other bad people living during that time. I’d think of something. But, I tell ya, I wouldn’t have a villain stowaway on my ark. And I wouldn’t have fallen angels made out of rocks, I wouldn’t have fallen angels made out of rocks, I wouldn’t have fallen angels made out of rocks….
5. In my version, Noah wouldn’t be acting a fool, trying to kill his grandchildren. His sons would be re-populating the earth with mankind, just as God intended.
Before you mention that the author of the NOAH movie is an atheist, I already know that. But, if you’re going to base a movie on a Biblical event, then you should at least show the key events as presented in the Bible. You can still have the freedom to write your story and fill in the blanks, but, do it in a manner that’s logical to the event that you’re referencing.
I knew about most of these things in the movie before I went. Why’d I go? I’d mistakenly thought I’d wanted to see the special effects – after all they looked amazing in the movie trailer! But, the ridiculousness of the story soured the appeal of the amazing special effects. I didn’t care about the special effects after seeing the ridiculous story.
So, did you see this movie? If you haven’t, are you going to see it?
~Cecelia Dowdy~
I haven’t seen the movie, though the trailer had me wanting to do so. Thanks for this cutting critique. There is so much heretical content coming out of Hollywood these days. I’ve learned to be especially careful of wasting money on any with a title connotative of a religious theme. It is unfortunate the current rating system eliminated all criteria related to truth. Every topic is up for grabs in an amoral free-for-all.
Thanks for your insightful comment, Mary!
Thanks for the warning, Cecelia. I won’t waste my money!
Yes, Susan, a terrible movie! God told Noah and his family to re-populate the earth, not to destroy all mankind!!! Sickening! Just sickening the way they had Noah portrayed in the movie!!!
Thanks for giving us the whole story. Like you, I wanted to see all the animals and how they came to Noah (he didn’t go get them), etc. etc. But I’m glad I didn’t go. I would have loved to see what Cecil B. Demille could have done with Noah. Exactly as you point out in your post, Demille stayed true to the story of Moses and still used poetic license in his movie. It can be done, but it’s choice. Man still has free will. The troublesome result now is all the people who will see this movie about Noah and take it as truth because they don’t know the real story. Might be a good time for serious prayer.
Davalynn, what a great comment! I forgot all about Demille’s The Ten Commandments! I do wonder what he’d have done with Noah? I think he would’ve stayed true to the Bible while using poetic license!
Wow, I had no idea it’d sound that ridiculous. I haven’t seen it yet. I take issue with the little trailers I’ve seen that have Noah battling everyone to keep them off the ark. Especially since he preaches and preaches for decades while building the ark to get people to come on it and be saved. The way you present it makes it even more ridiculous that the main character in this movie even builds an ark. If everyone is supposed to die, and he supposedly believes it, then why would he bother to save himself and any family? This is the most convincing review for me not to see the movie.
I did see the star on the Tonight Show. He was very gracious, but honestly looked embarrassed. It makes me wonder if these folks had a final copy of the script before agreeing to be in the movie. Lots of things to wonder about it, but mainly why go so weird?
Thank you for your review!
Angie
Hi, Angie. I’m assuming you’re referring to Russell Crowe? It’d be interesting to know if they had a copy of the script before agreeing to do the movie!
I heard a review of the movie that said they missed the whole message of Noah so badly it would as if someone made a movie about Martin Luther King and had him be anti-civil rights.
Hi, Mary
Great analogy. I agree with it. Noah was misguided in the movie, thinking that the entire human race needed to be dead, including himself and his family. The Bible tells them to multiply and fill the earth.
Mary, did you hear that on Hanity? I heard that same analogy.
Great review, btw, Cecelia. We almost never got to movies in theaters anyway, so they weren’t going to get my money. 🙂
Believe it or not, I don’t go to the movies much, either! I’ve been looking forward to this film for months – ever since the publicist contacted me about it. Now I’m sorry I have the movie so much hype! I was telling all of my Facebook friends last year to go see this movie when it was released! 🙁
Thank you so much for this, Cecelia. It just makes me sick! I too was hoping my husband and I could go and see it when it comes to a cinema near us here in Australia. I think we would have been so disgusted we’d have had to walk out! Wasted money, time and the hour and a half round trip drive from home!
Mary, thanks so much for commenting! You have to drive 45 minutes to get to the theater? That’s far! Theater that’s closest to me is only a few minutes away!
No plans to see it before I read your review and certainly no plans now!
That’s good to hear, Pegg!
I’m going to go see “God’s Not Dead” instead. 🙂 I think I will feel better about giving up my money to that movie instead.
Katy, I keep hearing about that movie! I don’t even know what it’s about! I’ll need to Google it and see if I want to see it!
I haven’t seen God’s Not Dead yet, but all of my friends who have really liked.
Also, check out Mom’s Night Out in May. I did see a pre-screening of that and it is hysterically funny!!
Cecelia, I had been so excited to see this movie from the movie trailers the past few months. Then O’Reily and Hanity this past week kept talking about it to the point some gave away spoiler alerts but did so to emphasis a point. One of the most glaring things I’ve heard so far is the fact God or Lord is never mentioned one time in the WHOLE movie. They instead replaced God with ‘creator’ as if that is the same. They had an interview from either the director of the movie or the writer, who is an atheist, to where they wanted to make this PC, basically so that by taking God out it isn’t specifically for Christian but also for Jews, Muslims and so on so that it’s for ‘everyone’. What a bunch of nonsense. This story is a Christian/Jewish based story. It comes directly from the BIBLE not some folklore or myth. I agree with what everyone else has been saying in that if you are going to take a Biblical story and turn it into a movie then you have to follow what the Bible has. Is there a lot of information to make a complete movie? No, but that’s where free license comes in so you can fill in the blanks to make it a good movie.
The Bible based movies have been huge hits the ones that follow the Bible pretty well for a reason because Christians relate to them. However, if you are going to slaughter a Biblical story you aren’t going to get all those Believers to watch your movie, or if they do they will not be giving good reviews (i.e. this one.
For me it’s just sad what I’ve heard so far about the movie. Maybe someone else will make a better version of it instead in the future sometime.
Kristena, thx much for commenting! I wish they’d give me a shot for making another version! 🙂
That’d be totally awesome as I have no doubt you’d give it the justice it deserves.
In postmodern thought, there is no meaning in any text until the reader gives it meaning. Evidently, the script writer for Noah subscribes to this fashionable nonsense. Does he now expect us to get meaning from his text?
You can’t have it both ways. Either a text can convey truth, as most Christians believe, and a Biblical story should adhere to the facts in the Biblical text, or there is no meaning and anything goes.
Anything goes? Hey, that sounds like the way things were in the days of Noah. And God was really pleased with that state of affairs, wasn’t He?
Thx much for commenting, H.L.!
Thanks so much for commenting on this movie, Cecelia. What an appalling script.
Yes, Carol, very appalling!
Wow! Thanks for the heads up. I confess that I myself had been excited to see this movie. I was intrigued and drawn in because of the trailer as well. What you have shared, however, has completely convinced me not to waste my time or my money. I could say more, but I will leave it there.
Hi, Kim
You’re right. I think all has been said. I’ve been reading articles about it all weekend!
Cecelia,
Thanks for an excellent review! I had wanted to see NOAH as soon as I saw the first preview. I mean, Russell Crowe as Noah seemed like a slam dunk. But then I heard about the rock people from some friends and my interest withered up and died. Rock people? Really?
Seems to me like this could have been an amazing movie had they focused on the human stresses of this tale. Sticking to one’s beliefs in the face of ridicule, being in that ark for 40 days/nights, the loss of all humanity. Geeshe, there’s so much richness there. Sounds like a big opportunity lost.
Scratchy my head here at using Rock People. LOL.
Yes, Jenna!
They should’ve focused on the human stresses during that time! There were a lot of stresses!
Hi Cecelia, Thanks for the great review! I loved the movie, Son of God, which I saw two weeks ago. I was so looking forward to a grand-scale Old Testament epic. This obviously won’t be it. I will save my money for “Heaven is for Real” releasing next month! Thanks for a great posting.
I need to see Son of God and Heaven Is For Real. Have you read the book Heaven Is For Real?
Thanks for sharing this, Cecelia! It sounds as if there was j’a wee bit’ (how about a lotta bit?) too much ‘expansion’ on the original story that turned it into something totally different. They are making the $$$ on this one, which is their entire point. Controversy sells.
That’s right, Lynette. I’m hearing lots of people saying it’s so bad, yet, it was number one at the box office last weekend. I guess everybody’s curiosity is piqued since there’s so much negative talk about this film. They took too many liberties with this story when they made the movie.
Cecelia,
I hate the movie and haven’t even seen it! Ha! 🙂
So, here’s what would happen if they hired http://www.thewritesteph.com to write the screenplay. Well, first, they’d hire you to be a part of the team, because it sounds like we feel the same way about it…it should be completely Biblical.
We wouldn’t have any mysterious fairy dust floating around and not tea-induced visions. The Bible says that God directly spoke to Noah The rock people would have to go. I mean, rock people? C’mon, what were they thinking!
No weird snake skin. (I don’t like snakes, anyway.) And everyone who was supposed to be married (based on the Bible’s account) would be married. Finally, nooooooo stowaways. What, are they kidding?
Well, I was really excited about “Noah” when I first saw the trailer. All of those animals having the instinct to go to the ark. Imagine that! I just think the circus parade is cool…can you imagine the parade of animals that went into the ark. Must have been a beautiful sight!
Hi, Stephanie!
I agree with all you said. Yes, I guess the animals looked really cool going into the ark, but, the special effects had no affect on me – no pun intended! That terrible story line spoiled the entire movie…for me anyway.
Yes, let’s do this story together, as a team, since we really seem to think alike! 🙂
I have only read the reviews and opinions of people who were willing to give it a chance and wanted to like the movie. One liked and and has defended it…everyone else hated it. The things they told me all line up with what you are saying. I will pass on this one.
Yes, pass on this one, Cindy! Good idea!!
I agree. I won’t waste my time supporting this trash. Thanks Cecilia for bringing some stability to this Hollyweird rock-slide.
I respect the REAL Noah and I won’t support Hollywood trashing his character. I’m very disappointed in this movie as I was hoping for something realistic. The real story is so amazing that there is no need to embellish it, especially with looney fabrications. The people associated with defending this movie must have ROCKS for brains.
Maybe the rocks between their ears will go somewhere in a beam of light and return as real brains. Lets pray for that.
JD
Hi, Jim!
Thx for commenting! I laughed when I saw your comment about the rocks for brains!
Saw the movie and thought the mud rock people just stupid. The movie was not a movie I would see again.
Virginia, tell me about it! LOL! Those mud rock people were so utterly STUPID. Actually, it was beyond stupid!
Thanks for taking time to comment on my blog. I hope you have a great weekend.